Signs That You Are No Longer A Kid

• The only reason you're awake at 4 AM is indigestion.

• 8 AM is your idea of "sleeping in."

• People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you ?"

• You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.

• Your back goes out more than you do.

• You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

• You buy a compass for the dash of your car.

• You are proud of your lawn mower.

• Your best friend is dating someone half their age
  ..... and isn't breaking any laws.

• Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

• You sing along with the elevator music.

• You would rather go to work than stay home sick.

• You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.

• You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.

• You make an appointment to see the dentist.

• You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

• Nobody ever tells you to slow down.

• You've seen Halley's Comet -- twice.

• Neighbors borrow *your* tools.

• You answer a question with, "because I said so!"

• You send money to PBS.

• The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.

• You take a metal detector to the beach.

• You wear black socks with sandals.

• You know what the word "equity" means.

• You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.

• Your ears are hairier than your head.

• You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

• You got cable for the weather channel.

• You can go bowling without drinking.

• You have a party and the neighbors DON'T EVEN REALIZE IT!!!