You know you are old if... (3)

• You and your teeth don't sleep together.

• Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.

• At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.

• Your back goes out but you stay home.

• When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture.

• It takes two tries to get up from the couch.

• When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

• When happy hour is a nap.

• When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does.

• When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it.

• When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.

• When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.

• Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.

• It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

• Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.

• Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.

• You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

• The pharmacist has become your new best friend.

• Getting lucky means you found your car in the parking lot.

• The twinkle in your eye is only a reflection from the sun on your biofocals.

• The iron in your blood turns to lead in your pants.

• It takes twice as long to look half as good.

• Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.

• Your house catches fire and the first thing you grab is your Metamucil.

• You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time.

• You get two invitations to go out on the same night and you pick the one that gets you home the earliest.

• You sink your teeth into a steak - and they stay there.

• You give up all your bad habits and still don't feel good.

• You get to the check-out line, see how long it is, and decide what you have in your buggy isn't worth the wait.

• You have more patience, but actually it's just that you don't care anymore.

• Rocking in a rocking chair feels like a roller coaster ride.

• You confuse having a clear conscience with a bad memory.

• You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.

• You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.